Not too long ago we were preparing for a little dinner party with my in-laws. While Jen and I team up for these events when it comes to the cooking, I know what’s going to happen when the doorbell rings. We go from a duo to me preparing the rest of the meal by myself, as my wife instantly transitions from Co-Chef to Entertainer/Conversationalist with the ring of the doorbell.
But on this occasion, my hands were free, so I ran to answer the door, expecting to see my in-laws Calvin and Judy. Calvin was there but with him was “Trudy,” who burst through the door with, “We’ve been walking this whole neighborhood looking for your house! No one will feed us! Where’s the food!”
“Trudy” is, in fact, my mother- in-law, Judy, wearing one of her many multicolored wigs with a Hawaiian shirt and flowered lei around her neck. For the next 12-15 minutes I had to answer Trudy’s many questions about where she was relative to Honolulu and why we weren’t having a Luau instead of a dinner party. All this time, my father-in-law stood behind her shaking his head in quiet embarrassment.
Trudy is not her only alterego. There is also Ruby Begonia. If something unexpected happens, good or bad, and no one owns up to it, it was usually Ruby Begonia who did it. If the kitchen was dirty last night, but clean this morning, it was Ruby. If an entire box of Girl Scout cookies goes missing, but the wrapper is found partially burnt in the fireplace, you just know that was Ruby (true story, by the way). We have a robot vacuum at my house, so of course we had to name it Ruby because it vacuums while we are at work when no one is around.
Judy gets a lot out of life. She often organizes “Crazy Suppers” where you get a non-sensical menu that is in a code that is only clear to her. So, when you order you get a scoop of ice cream and carrot stick and no utensil as you realize that you failed to order “dirt” on the menu. Of course, everyone knows that “dirt” makes you think of shovel. And what resembles a shovel? A spoon. That’s Judy’s logic or at least “Trudy’s” logic.
When the girls were younger, she would invite all the grandkids over for the weekend for a sleepover. The event schedule was PACKED with new activities every 15-20 minutes including crafts, campouts, learning to drive the truck, snipe hunts, homemade zip lines, you name it.
In her day she was the Queen of Vacation Bible School with costumes and characters, crafts, and homemade rap music focusing on Jonah and the Whale.
Judy lives life to the fullest and gets a lot out of it. How does she do it? She puts a lot into it. Those visits by Trudy, with the costumes and wigs, crazy suppers, grandparent weekend, etc., take time, energy, and “putting yourself out there” to make happen. A funfilled wonderful life doesn’t happen by chance. You must make it wonderful yourself through imagination, effort, and maybe stepping outside your comfort zone.
This is the same thing I tell our newest college students. For some people, college was the most exciting, enriching, and fun time of their lives. For others, it may be lonely, boring, and a waste of time and money. What determines which kind of experience a student has?
It is all about effort. If a student puts in the time, steps out of their comfort zone, and is open to meeting new people and learning new things, they usually do great. For those who sit in their residence hall room alone playing games on the computer, it often does not go as well.
I tell the freshmen – college is a lot like a bank account; you’ll get out of it everything you put into it with interest added. We sponsor all kinds of activities for our students such as s’mores night at the fire pit, game show night, movie parties, dances, pumpkin carving, you name it. These are all put on by the student body government and paid for by student fees.
We also have about 30 clubs, some centered around a college major like nursing, art, music, and drama, or something to learn or do together such as the craft club ( just like grandma’s weekend!), the adulting club (where you learn things like how to balance your check book or change your oil), the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and the two-year honor society Phi Theta Kappa. Still others focus on fun activities like board games, pickle ball and line dancing.
You can easily understand why we have free tutoring, open computer labs, faculty office hours, personal and career counseling, food pantry, and 24-hour library services. All of that is needed to help the student be successful in class.
But why do we have all these clubs and activities outside of class? Studies show that students who are active, involved, and meet people graduate at a much higher rate than those who do not. The Judy/Trudy/Rubys of the world do better in college than those who sit alone in their rooms being bored and lonely. This is not too shocking, I’m sure.
What may be shocking is what’s at stake. Getting that degree matters not only for the students who could most likely earn a higher wage for the rest of their lives, but also to the workforce so that we have more qualified employees, and to the taxpayers as well who helped sponsor the students’ education through local, state and federal support.
Quitting college is expensive for everyone. Between wasted tuition and fees, wasted taxpayer support, needed social services for college dropouts, unpaid student loans, lost future earnings and lower future tax revenue, some estimate college dropouts cost the nation and its businesses and citizens hundreds of billions of dollars a year. That is shocking.
I love my mother-in-law for all she does to entertain my family and make life fun. She has taught me that fun doesn’t happen by accident and that if you want great memories, you must make them yourself. We try to teach our students the same thing; college is as great as you make it.
Maybe they would learn this better if I wore a multi-colored wig and a Hawaiian shirt while saying it. Thanks Trudy!
If you have any questions about this article or want to hire Ruby Begonia to come to your house, please contact me at [email protected].
